Spiral-bound Treasures
How journaling a long time ago reminded me of God's works, and how memory is crucial to following Jesus.
I’m doing a bit of reflecting and reminiscing lately, with my last post about my kids seeing their mom teach, and this post here on memory as a grouding experience.
I’m working on a grumpier ramble or two for an upcoming post. So, stay tuned, and thanks for pausing whatever you were doing to read this post.
Dusty Riches
I recently did some tidying up around the house and came across a box of old journals of mine. It had been years since I opened any of these, and the dusty film on the stack of notebooks briefly stung me. These journals came from about an eight-month period of time seventeen years ago, around when Christa and I were getting married. There was a lot that went on during that time, but one thing I remember distinctly was feeling quite close to God then. In fact, I recall feeling so close to God with so many obvious God-things happening around me that I knew I needed to write things down. Hence, the journals. I thought, maybe, one day, I would look back on those moments and remember that intimacy with the Lord and the abundance of the Lord’s interventions and be encouraged by what transpired then.
It was odd at times reading some of the words of my younger self, just 23 years old (yes, I’m 40 this year!), but still familiar. I said things that reflected the courage and passion of a person who believed the world could change because God is actually who the Bible says God is. And reading these words was a rediscovery of pure treasure to me. I remembered the ways God proved faithful time and again, in the most detailed and specific ways.
I read how I heard from the Lord in the most minute, seemingly-random details of my life. Like seeing a Mississippi license plate on a car, which reminded me of a trip I took months prior—an event where God spoke a word to me that was exactly what I needed during a moment of doubt. Or how I’d labored over finding a wedding ring for Christa, only to discover that my grandmother had given hers to my mother years prior for me to have one day, unbeknownst to me. And another when a friend described a dream about a frog, which resonated deeply with a similar image I’d been pondering for some time.
Perhaps any one or even a few of these events could be explained away by coincidence or chance. But the journals contextualize these moments (of which there are many!) as part of a time in my life when God was consistently at work, and when I was, more often than not, perceptive of that work. They mermorialize a personal, caring God actively engaged in the details of my life, sometimes with my full cooperation; others despite my stubborn faithlessness.
Markers of a Personal God
I needed to be reminded of those moments, as I’ve recently had a handful of difficult conversations and encounters that have been incredibly frustrating and unsettling—accusations about my character, misunderstandings where people have assumed the worst, and poor assumptions about those for whom I care deeply. All of these came from church people, which can hurt more because we are supposed to be family, right?
But reading these journals brought some stability back to my life. They reminded me of who God is because of what God has done for me, and I desperately needed to remember who God has been. And dwelling on the Lord has a way of putting in perspective all the noise and nonsense that goes on around us.
Memory is key for the people of God throughout history. In the book of Deuteronomy, the people of Israel needed to remember too. Sixteen times, the word “remember” is used to accentuate a command, invoke a powerful image of God’s activity, or even warn against disobedience through negative associations of past failures. Here are a few examples:
Deuteronomy 5:15 Remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the Lord your God brought you out from there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm; therefore the Lord your God commanded you to keep the Sabbath day.
Deuteronomy 7:18 do not be afraid of them. Just remember what the Lord your God did to Pharaoh and to all Egypt,
Deuteronomy 8:2 Remember the long way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, in order to humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commandments.
Deuteronomy 9:7 Remember; do not forget how you provoked the Lord your God to wrath in the wilderness; you have been rebellious against the Lord from the day you came out of the land of Egypt until you came to this place.
Deuteronomy 24:18 Remember that you were a slave in Egypt and the Lord your God redeemed you from there; therefore I command you to do this.
Deuteronomy 32:7 Remember the days of old; consider the years long past; ask your father, and he will inform you, your elders, and they will tell you.
For the people of Israel, memory was to inform daily life. From the Law, to regular feasts, to embracing God’s promises, they were to remember what it means to belong to God as a part of their collective purpose. Likewise, they are commanded numerous times to “not forget” the Lord. The Pentateuch shows us of the forgetfulness of God’s people through not adhering to the Law—this is a theme that continues throughout the Old Testament. Memory was used to bring the people of Israel back to God’s Law, often by reminding them of their failures to adhere to it.
But more than simply disobeying God, the people of Israel had spent years distancing themselves from the blessings of Yahweh, the active provisional care God regularly gave them, and the consistent reminders of the promises given to their ancestors. They had truly forgotten who God was, and their disobedience was a natural result of that. Remembering God was to be the grounding force that kept the Hebrews securely bound to Godself not only so they could keep the Law, but so they could live out their purpose.
And the purpose of the people of Israel was to be a kingdom of priests and conduits of God’s blessing to the nations (Ex 19:4-6 and Gen 12:1-4). Every feast, every commandment, and every miraculous intervation by God fit within that purpose of blessing all peoples by showing what it looks like to belong to the king of the universe.
What about you?
Moments of witness to the work of God are powerful experiences, and remembering them over the course of our lives is a discipline worth engaging. Doing so should serve to remind us why we exist. For me, reading through these journals reminded me of what brought Christa and I together. We knew, during our engagement, that our marriage was for the purpose of partnering in equipping the church. We didn’t know what that would look like, but we knew that we could do that better together than on our own. This calling has stabilized us through arguments, international moves, and medical scares. It has steadied us as we’ve learned how to parent, and how to adapt to various cultures. And remembering it through these journals revealed the accusations and verbal attacks of others for the empty, meaningless words they are.
But, if I’m being honest, I had lapsed in the practice of remembering recently. I needed these reminders now in ways I couldn’t have articulated. I had to remember to remember. This should be something I do far more often.
What about you?
Do you have a regular practice of remembering God?
What does it look like for you to regularly dwell on the works of God in your life?
How does this bring you back to the work God has called you to do?
What has remembering rescued you from or added to your life?
Thanks for reading—I’d love to hear from you!
Matt.. I so love your posts and this one in particular resonates with me so very powerfully! Thank you so much for sharing yourself , you are an amazing friend and brother in Christ. I have kept journals as well for years and totally get this thing about remembering. I pull them.out often when I am low or sad or just need inspiration. I use them to share with my nephews and niece to show them how God will never ever leave us, and here is the proof i say:). I see prayers answered of things I have prayed for years ago and am astonished at His Faithfulness! Thank you again 💓
Hi Matt I love hearing how you have been remembering and reflecting on the closeness you had with God and on the things that show you how deeply God cares for you! It is a wonderful way to strengthen any relationship and to draw closer to God and to those around us.