An invitation to dialogue

I've always had questions but am starting to ask more of them out loud. If you are a question-asker, I'd love for you to be a part of this with me.

“Matt asks too many questions.”

A junior high teacher of mine wrote these words on a teddy-bear shaped note to my parents after I’d apparently interrupted class one time too many. She got particularly mad about me asking questions that didn’t apply to me, and I distinctly remember telling her that its personal application wasn’t relevant—some questions just needed to be asked out loud. What I asked might matter to someone in the room. And maybe they weren’t comfortable speaking up themselves. She didn’t find my altruism all that compelling.

In defense of that teacher, I was a bit of an antagonist, and asking questions was just one of the many things I did that bothered her. But it irked me that she singled out my curiosity in the note to my parents. If she’d have said, “Matt antagonizes me because he thinks he is smarter than I am,” I probably would have just shrugged my shoulders because at least she would have been right.

In the years since, I’m hopeful that my tact has matured and my humility has increased. But I still ask questions. I don’t (always) do it to antagonize people. But I don’t mind if that’s what happens sometimes. I know the all-too-familiar look when a question I ask rubs against a person or group’s core values. I also know the subsequent scowl that says, “tread lightly.” And I have, more than I would care to admit, kept my head down and my mouth shut even when something inside me died.

I don’t ask questions because I have a better solution every time. But asking, “Why?” is like breathing to me. I honestly cannot stop. I want to know why things are the way they are. I want to know why people are supposed to think a certain way. I want to know who made decisions that led to this point and the processes by which people came into those positions. I want our narratives to include the unseen. I want our systems and structures, especially in the church, to lead to human flourishing. I want to have conversations about what can be.

So, why this space? Why now?

This isn’t the first time I’ve dabbled in writing in this sort of space. I did some facebook blogging in college, started a Wordpress site a decade or so ago, and even tried out some social media hashtags a couple years back, long after they became cool. But I never stuck with it.

Over those years, I got married and moved across the U.S., started a new job, had a kid, moved to Scotland and stayed home while my wife pursued her PhD, had another kid, then moved to Aotearoa New Zealand. I doubted whether anyone really wanted to hear what I had to say as well. But, I never stopped wanting to write, and I only had more and more questions along the journey.

Some of what’s to come

If you know me, you know I’m uncomfortable with dogmatic ideologies, universal statements, and asymmetrical power that characterizes a lot of human relationships. Many of my societal and cultural narratives are rooted in these ideas, and I’d prefer we attempt to dismantle many of them. Though, I recognize, I have my own soapboxes and dogmas. I won’t keep them secret, and you’ll get a sense of them quickly enough.

Most of my questions come from my own context and experience, so I won’t pretend to see all the angles. My embodiment and privilege color how I see the world, and many of my perspectives arise from my own story. I had certain narratives given to me along the way that didn’t fit, and I have often struggled to find space to craft new ones that do. I hope this space helps others find resonance with their own experience, and a place to rest if you, too, are wandering or prone to grumpiness.

I don’t want to limit the scope of this forum to a particular topic (or too many), but below are some areas I hope to explore, in no particular order. Inevitably, more will follow:

• The church—the dignity of all people, interpersonal authority, calling, discipleship, and maturity

• Partnership—living intentionally, marriage, friendship, mentoring, and humility

• Parenting—roles and expectations, rage, grief, and empowerment

• Narratives—masculinity, power, vocation, race, and politics

A lot of these areas are ones in which I have spent a lot of time and energy. They come up regularly, and I often go running after them. I’ll share a lot on these from stories in my life—my partner, my kids, my studies, etc. Others are ones I am interested in but lack experience, expertise, or embodiment to speak a lot on. In those cases, I will lean on others’ voices who have more to offer. Either way, I will seek to be open and listen.

So, if you’re keen to explore questions and challege expectations, I’d love to share some thoughts and dialogue with you. I prefer to think of this space like a coffee shop or a dinner table, rather than a stage or a pulpit. If this sounds like something that piques your interest, follow this Substack. I don’t have enough time to write so much that it floods your inbox, but I’ll aim for a post every now and then.

I’m looking forward to these conversations, and hope you are encouraged along the way.

Cheers!